Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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