This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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