i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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