Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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