so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
