he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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