ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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