The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Two words: nipple clamps
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