Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
