spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
