part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
