I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
