I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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