I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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