I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
