Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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