I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
