The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
