i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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