Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My vagina just clenched in fear
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
