I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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