It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
