no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
did i walk over a car last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
