just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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