DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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