Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
