so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
