i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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