so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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