Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
