So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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