I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
