there was a trapeze. enough said
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
