its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
