Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
