dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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