Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
