bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
COCAINE IS GR8
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
