he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm always down for nudity.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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