32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
