Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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