When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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