Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
