he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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