I'm jealous of your bromance
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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