we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
