Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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