My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
