you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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