sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
