theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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