My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
